My dear wife has a big black cat.
He plagues me every day.
Wherever I go the black cat goes
And he's always in the way.
When I awake in the early morn
And step into my shoe,
I hear a muffled growling sound
And feel the sharp teeth too.
Whenever I grab him by the tail
And dash toward the door,
My wife awakes and the side she takes
Of a "kitty so weak and poor."
"A tiny, helpless, sweet little cat,
He's small and so mistreated."
[I steal a glance at my easy chair
But the cat's already seated.]
I cut his tail while shaving today,
I bit his ear while eating.
I laced his paw while tying my shoe
But my wife just keeps repeating.
"A tiny, helpless, sweet little cat,"
She lectures all the while.
But when she turns I hate to see
Him look at me and smile.
***