This book is written as a tool to help men overcome the most destructive force in a relationship; lack of respect for women.  If you polled both single and married women for what they look for in a relationship, it's respect.  For a single women this occurs most frequently on a job.  For married women, this occurs most often at home with the husband.

This book covers a theoretical concept on how humanity came to this stage, how to recognize it, and tools to diminish or eliminate it completely.  Since it may not be pragmatic to teach your boss how to be more respectful, these tools were mainly intended for the married women to use, but can be used by anyone of any sex.

Back in the caveman and cavewoman days, it could be easily argued that men were the stronger species.  Luckily humanity has evolved along way from requiring brut strength to survive.  Unfortunately nowadays, you can still hear the myth that men are the stronger species.  Sociological issues such as this one didn't quite make the same strides over the centuries as our ability to survive.

Very early in life (age 7 or 8) I noticed that wives would not only work a full day, but would also come home to make dinner, do the clothes, and all of the other domesticated jobs around the house, while the husband either practiced the art of couch potatoeing, or engaged in other macho activities (i.e., drinking with the boys, golfing, fishing, etc.).  This is not to say that after the work is done, men can't play, it's just that the spouse deserves the same courtesy of being free to be a couch potatoette or whatever fun activity she wants to do.  

My mother was my first indication of this conscious awareness of the stronger sex.  Since times were hard, not only did she work a full day, but came home to do the cooking, cleaning and raising six kids.  Dad was not a couch potato, but after going over to friends houses, this seemed to be a more appropriate description of the male role.   Through the years, after watching other couples in the neighborhood, going to relative's houses, etc., this was definitely the norm for humanity at this point of evolution.  Most women also seemed to accept this way of life.

I felt like an alien from another world when I first tried to explain that the female of the species was the stronger species when I heard that myth verbalized.  (Remember this is coming from a little kid in the early '60s).  It seemed pretty obvious to me from the amount of work each sex performed, exactly who had the stamina, hence strength.  It was just as obvious that the majority of both sexes were pre-set into accepting this myth as a natural way of life.  As a youngster, I refused to accept this as the normal way of life, so I would help out until the work was done, and Mom was free to relax or pursue any extra activities she desired.

My father also destroyed the myth during my learning years.  Not only helping out my mother, but one strong early memory was my father helping a lady down a flight of stairs with a huge baby carriage, with lots of other men just walking by, eager to get to their baseball seats.  As I became older I would also outwardly show my respect for women during normal day to day activities.

For example, when invited over to a relative's or friend's house for dinner, I would show my respect for the wife making the delicious meal by either helping out in the kitchen, removing dinner plates, and/or doing the dishes; whatever the lady in charge would let me do.  I wanted the work to be done so the wife could be free to join in the conversations, play cards; have play time instead of being stuck in the kitchen working while the men enjoyed their play time.  This action would be greatly appreciated by the women, and usually not noticed by the men (probably due to the close family nature of these gatherings).  This action would also be interpreted as an act of thankfulness, not necessarily also including respect to free the women from the usual ritualistic duties.

And in some cases, the wife actually took offense to a male performing some of the ritualistic duties pre-ordained for women.  The best example of this was visiting some of my relatives that were half French and half Italian, leaning heavily on the Italian side.  Whenever I would try to help in the kitchen, clear the table, or try to do the dishes, my grand aunt would get visibly upset until I went in to play cards with the men (the male ritualistic play time after dinner).  In her conditioning over 60 years, she was actually happy to perform the ritualistic duties, as a sign of love for her mate.  And of course I would respect her wishes.

In public, I open doors for women and always give a helping hand whenever possible.  I show the same respect (if not more) for women as I do for men (I don't open doors for men).  These acts were again greatly appreciated by the women, but it was considered an act of chivalry, instead of mainly for respect.

 At work, I'll do the mundane tasks for women when they ask, and hopefully before they ask.  And of course treating them with the same respect I show myself.  I was always being quizzed by other male associates at work why the women in other departments would always do my work ahead of theirs.  Even the most pro-active female liberators at work do my work ahead of the other men's.  Since I had been showing my respect over the years (for decades), it became a natural unconscious act for me to do this, so I never stopped to realize why.

Even the term housewife took on a different meaning for me.  If a visitor from outer space viewed a normal family for a few days, the visitor would have thought the wife was truly married to the house instead of being married to the husband.  After my marriage, I refused to put down the normal phrase "housewife" as occupation on the various application forms for non-working spouses.  The term I used for my non-working wife's occupation was "Domestic Engineer" - unfortunately no one seemed to notice or appreciate the awareness.

In my later years (30 - 40), I would always hear my wife proudly displaying my unknown respect to her female friends, who in turn would be quite envious.  A good example of this was one "ladies night out" where our house was the card game house.  I came home before the evening ended, and while two dozen ladies were finishing up their conversations, I naturally started picking up and cleaning up.  The chatter dropped to an ear deafening silence, as all the women were astonished that a husband would clean up after the ladies.  The ladies didn't know if there was a role reversal or what.

It wasn't until a very close friend was having marital problems that I realized the problem and the solution.  

She is probably an average example of how destructive lack of respect can be in any relationship, marriage or career.  Her mother passed away while she was an infant (this was important in recognizing the solution and I'll get back to this later).  She had only been married 5 years, the last 4 years being the "problem" years.

Even though she knew her husband loved her, she felt like a second class citizen.  Her main concern was that she would never be "number one" in his life.  Famous examples include the common picking up clothes after the husband.  The toilet seat game (nothing like a cold douche in the middle of the night when the light doesn't work in the bathroom).  Playing fetch for Mr. Couch Potato when something is just past arms reach.  Always hearing those Honeycans: "Honey can you get me the remote control?". " Honey can you get me a beer?".  Honey can you get me this, or that?".   Honeycans!

I'm sure you have heard the men counter with their "Honeydo list".  Honey do the lawn.  Honey do fix the car this weekend, etc.  

The difference between Honeycans and Honeydos is that a Honeycan is an immediate need, whereas a Honeydo is a future requirement.  Honeycans are usually for requests that the man can do very simply and easily, while a Honeydo may require unique talents not normally associated with women (fixing a car).  A good example of a Honeycans is when the remote control is just out of reach.  Or the famous beer fetch while watching football.  Honeycans can be interpreted as things that you would expect a slave or maid to perform, hence the theory of "slave attitude" or lack of respect.

It's not that the Honeycans out weigh the Honeydos.  It is theorized that the Honeycans are subconsciously received as a lack of respect , instead of a request.

In the cases where the woman can't explain why she is not happy, and quizzed why, the answers or examples don't point directly to the problem.  It is theorized that the problem may be the multitude of subconscious "slave attitude" Honeycans that have been going on for years, building up, create this feeling of lack of respect.  This feeling may manifest itself in other problems because neither sex is aware of the problems existence.  These other problems are only doorways to the real problem.  It's clear the problem is this pre-historic "slave attitude" lack of respect, but why does this problem keep reoccurring generation after generation.  What is the common seed that keeps getting planted?

In comparing my friends life to my wife's (and most other women I know that has experienced the "slave attitude" condition) the only difference was that her mother passed away when she was an infant.  She was raised by her father.  No mother model figure to follow.  No mother to slowly over the years mold the same "slave attitude" that has been occurring since the caveman days.

At the same time I'm thinking about this, my daughter yells out "Mommy can you get me a fork" with Mom sitting right beside her.  Instinctively I told my 7 year old that her mother was not a slave, and that she was big enough to get a fork herself.  With men you get Honeycan's, with children you get Mommycan's.  Same "slave attitude", but worse, it is instilled from the moment of birth and repeated day after day in each generation.   

There it is.  Generation after generation, we slowly instill this "slave attitude" into our children, who in turn instill it into their children, and so on, and so on.  It becomes such a subconscious way of life that both sexes fall into the same trap.  

Most mothers wouldn't have thought twice about getting up from the dining table and fetching a fork.  It would have been instinctive to the woman since it was instilled over decades during early child development.  This is why I believe most people don't even realize the "slave attitude" that is propagated generation after generation.  This could also explain why most women don't understand the real root of the problem, let alone the men.

Since my friend was not raised this way, she was not conditioned like the majority of women.  She would term the problem as "not being number one" in the mans life.  I interpreted this as the "slave attitude" lack of respect problem.

Hopefully you now understand that the majority of both sexes have been conditioned over their entire life with the "slave attitude" lack of respect problem.   The men are merely innocent bystanders.  It takes awareness to correct the problem.

What I had been doing subconsciously over the years with my children, was that at every "slave attitude" action by my children, I immediately instilled a "non-slave attitude" action.

For example, the very first time one of my children yelled from the back of the house "Mommy come here" or "Mommy I need you", and the tone of voice was not an emergency, I immediately re-trained them to go and find their mother by  walking around calling out "Mom, where are you?".  And of course my wife caught on to this just as quickly, re-training her "slave attitude" in the process.

Every time some "slave attitude" phrase comes out of their mouths, we would stop the child, and make him/her say the corrected "non-slave attitude" phase and start all over again.  Behavior modification through corrective repetition.  This was extremely successful and only took a few months to modify our children's behavior.  Nowadays, the only time we hear our children yell out "Mom come here" is if they are physically unable to get to Mom.

You could turn on a tape recorder and come up with all the "slave attitude" phrases children (and men) speak and easily turn these around into "non-slave attitude" phrases.  Let's face it, children are easier to re-train than most adults.  In either case of re-training, the woman has to make the first move.

In all cases of re-training, the woman must immediately stop the child (or man) and have them correct the phrase or action.  For a child, the woman (and the man can help) may have to assist the child in correcting the phrase or action (depending on the child's memory and awareness).  For a man, it is recommended to use a non demeaning word to let him correct himself.  The non demeaning word can't be a commonly used word, and should be able to be used in public, such as Daffodil.  I'm sure the two of you can come up with a secret word that is appropriate, that could be used in public.

Be Aware:  At this point, you know what the root of the problem is, how it has manifested itself since the caveman days, and how to correct it.

It will takes three things to solve this problem (or at least diminish it to an acceptable level).  The man has to want to change, the man has to be able to change, and the both of you must practice this every day, every minute.  With children this should not be a problem, it's a matter of parental force re-training them.

Everytime the woman feels a "slave attitude" action has occurred, she must say the secret word.  The man (or child) hopefully will be aware of the secret word and its meaning, and make the corrective action.  If not, the women repeats the secret word until the correct behavior occurs.

That was easy.  Here comes the hard part.

Beware:  If the man (or child) doesn't want to change or feel this is the problem, this will cause more problems than it will solve.  This success or failure will be on a case by case basis.

The repetition technic to changing behavior patterns is only one of many technics.  Consult various phsycologists or books on other behavior changing technics.

Just think, if everyone could start correcting this "slave attitude" condition in their children, and they corrected (or just never started) their children, it would only take two or three generations to eliminate this problem completely.