Dutch Humor and Music






DUTCH HUMOR and MUSIC



The Year Book of THE HOLLAND SOCIETY of New York, 1886-1887, by the Secretary. p. 2.
[As a former vocal music teacher, this article struck a sympathetic chord with www (Wilford W Whitaker).]


The Society has so often enjoyed the glees and madrigals of male quartettes that have been engaged for our meetings, that the Secretary attempted to bring together the vocal talent of the Society itself, in the vicinity of New-York, issuing the following circular letter:

“My Dear Sir: Can you sing? What part? First tenor, second tenor, first bass, second bass? Can you read music at sight? Let us have our own male Glee Club, and get up our own Dutch music. I am not joking. A few rehearsals will enable us to give and share much pleasure to and with our fellow-members. Please answer.”


The result was somewhat disheartening.

One gentleman said that the proposal had his hearty indorsement: “Yes, I can sing, but if you can tell me what part after hearing me, you can do much more than I have been able to accomplish thus far. If old King David had heard me in his day and generation, he would never have recovered from his lunacy. I am in earnest. I advise you, as a friend and as a member of the Society, to keep me out of the Glee Club.”

Another member said, “I am getting too old to sing, but hope to continue on occasion to join in on the chorus.”

Another replied briefly, “No sing.”

The fourth, “My brothers, James and John, desire me to state that as singers they are in the vocative. I am their equal in the writing line.”

Another, “Can I sing? Yes, very high and very low, and always loud when my pain catches me. I am not joking. I am sixty-five years old, at which period of life a man is apt to sing very small.”

Another, “NO!” (Do you recognize him?)

Another, “Like Artemus Ward, I am saddest when I sing, -- and so are my friends.”

And finally, the Secretary received the following: “My Dear Van: Awfully sorry I can't sing or read music. Honest and true, I am not joking. Yours, Van.”

As there were at that time over one hundred and twenty Vans in the Society, the Secretary was at a loss to whom, to attribute the last-mentioned reply. He therefore issued the following letter”




        “To all the Vans in the Holland Society: Gentlemen: Which of you sent me this? 'My Dear Van: Awfully sorry I can't sing or read music. Honest and true, I am not joking. Yours, Van.' Your bewildered Secretary.”




Here the Secretary reconed without his host, for he received, among others, the following replies:
“I never did. Van.”

“I am not the Van who sent that to you. Yours, Van.”

“The Bewildered Secretary vs. The Vans of the Holland Society” The undersigned is not the Van who abridged his name, and wrote the brief, honest, and true note which has bewildered the Secretary, wherefore he humbly prays that he may be relieved of suspicion and of the charge, and your petitioner, while he cannot sing, read music, or sound the pitch, will ever pray as long as it may be necessary. Van.”

“My Dear Sir: I am not the author, although he truthfully describes my qualifications, or rather lack of them. Sincerely yours, Van.”

“My Dear George: As the above fits my case exactly, if no one else fathers it, charge it to me. Yours cordially, Van.”

“To the Bewildered Secretary : Sir: I don't know. Did you write it and send it to yourself? Yours honestly and truly, Van.”

“My Dear Sir: As one of the Vans of the Holland Society, I assure you that I did not send you the statement that I could not sing, etc., for like little George, your namesake, I cannot lie. Yours, Van.”

“Thou canst not say I did it. Thine, One of the Vans.”

“Not guilty. Van.”

“My Dear Van: All I can do to extricate you from your state of bewilderment is to aver that I am not that Van. The unknown Van is 'awfully sorry he can't sing.' I can with equal sincerity say that you and all the other Vans would be awfully sorry if you were compelled to hear me sing. I won't insist on it. Truly yours, Van.”

“My Dear Van: Yours received. I am not the Van for whom you are on the war-path. I am glad I am not, for I have no hair on my head to spare to the scalping-knife. However, the particular Van you are after echoes my sentiments exactly. Van.”

“My Dear Secretary: I am the Van. Yours, Van.”

THE MALE QUARTETTE HAS NOT YET BEEN FORMED.



HOME
Wilford Whitaker
Carolyn Woolsey Wilkerson




Webweaver